To The Women Who Don’t Want Sex…

So, Karla over at Lipstick and Vodka posted an article titled To the Men Who Only Want SexObviously, a title like that attracts a certain kind of attention, especially from men. Now I wouldn’t be normal if my eye hadn’t been drawn towards her article.

First of all, let me say that it is probably smart to read Karla’s article first, before you move along to my response below.
Second, remember that this response is only a reflection of my opinion, and mine alone. At some point, my opinion may be a bit exaggerated for the sake of amusement.
Third, if what I’ve written below offends anyone, my apologies. It’s never my intent to offend or hurt anyone by what I write.
Fourth and final, in my response I speak of a book with which I have no affiliation at all. Anything stated about the book is my personal opinion. Should you be interested in this book though, it can be purchased through here for instance.

Dear women,

Maybe you, or any of the readers, have read the book The five languages of love by Gary Chapman. A book that certainly changed my perception as well as the strength of my relationship and the amount of sex in it. As Chapman writes, there are no more than five basic needs for every person. And obviously, this varies from person to person. These languages are (1) Words of affirmation, (2) Acts of service, (3) Receiving gifts, (4) Quality time, -for those still reading, this is where it gets interesting!- and (5) Physical touch.

This fifth language is actually what we appear to be discussing here. My personal two most important love languages are (second) Words of affirmation and (first, you probably guessed) Physical touch. Now having this specific love language as a primary language doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to have sex all the time, or often. My choice was to abstain from sexual intercourse until after marriage. Oh, believe me… I have failed to abstain in a previous relation. My main reason to abstain though, was that I valued sex so much, that I want to share it with only one partner for the rest of my life here on earth. My second reason was the risk of porn addiction. Enough has been said about my reasons.

But as you said, communication is key to a good relationship and this is as true as it will get. Though, you stated as well that (not in these specific words though) that when a woman says no, that means no. I understand, and can live with that. But what if the woman in the relationship doesn’t have this fifth language in her package? And the man in the relationship has it as his primary language? This means that the woman will say no for nearly a hundred percent of the time the man wants (or should I say needs) sex and the relationship is running a very high risk of being destroyed  due to the lack of physical intimacy.

In so many articles, I read that when a woman says no, it’s no. But what if it’s always no? How is the value of the woman in the relationship higher than the value of the man? Why not give in to the man’s needs once in a while? It’s a fifty fifty thing right? They’re in it together.


11 thoughts on “To The Women Who Don’t Want Sex…

  1. This is actually a side I had not necessarily even thought of. A relationship is 50/50 and should always be as such. This is where communication comes into play. Thank you for your response! I appreciate it.


  2. I also had a plan to abstain till marriage; somewhere along the way I failed to wait then I chose to go back to being celibate and wait till marriage. I totally see your point about sex being very important in keeping a relationship alive especially a marriage.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Staying celibate is one of the hardest things I have done in my life. But waiting makes it even more worth it in the end. Sharing such an experience with that special person makes it amazing..


  3. Ooh this is a thinker isn’t it? Should a woman give in if she really doesn’t want to? My immediate thought is “of course not”. However, it’s really difficult if sex is important to one partner, but not the other- surely meeting in the middle IS the best way. I don’t think someone should keep on refusing. I think there’s something wrong with the relationship if one person in it keeps on saying “no”.

    Liked by 1 person

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